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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802036">Poison or Medicine Alternative Ending</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/definitionofnormal/pseuds/definitionofnormal'>definitionofnormal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:54:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802036</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/definitionofnormal/pseuds/definitionofnormal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternative ending to the wonderful story by MinYun and Anonymous_Introvery78. While the original ending is the most reasonable I think, and I do really enjoy it! I just wanted to write this for fun. If you were like me, you were a little sad about the bittersweet ending in the original. I hope if you're reading this you like it.<br/>Again, this is my own take on it and I don't expect anyone to read this. I'm more posting it for the authors to see it, and hopefully enjoy it. I don't want to take away from the original in any shape or form. The characters, events, and storylines belong to the original authors. Also I've never posted on here before so any formatting issues, I'm so sorry!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Poison or Medicine Alternative Ending</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Introvert78/gifts">Anonymous_Introvert78</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinYun/gifts">MinYun</a>.</li>


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637218">Poison Or Medicine</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Introvert78/pseuds/Anonymous_Introvert78">Anonymous_Introvert78</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinYun/pseuds/MinYun">MinYun</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, so this starts somewhere in the last chapter of the actual story, and then continues on through the epilogue but with my own little take on it. While I know the original ending is the most reasonable, I wanted to write something for my bruised heart. I'm sure it's full of character misinterpretations and inaccuracies, hopefully it's not too distracting.<br/>I think this will mostly be written from the other boys perspectives. Or at least tidbits of them until the end. I don’t write. I’ve never written anything in my life that wasn’t an academic paper in school so this is probably incredibly unorganized and poorly written. But I had to get it out of my head. I hope you don’t mind.<br/>TW// There is a brief mention of assault, it is not discussed in any great length.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Fuck. Finally.” Jihoon breathed as he leaned back in his chair. He was about ready to storm down to the hospital and punch those parents in the face, ignoring the fact that Seungcheol expressly prohibited anyone from looking into Jeonghan. But Jeonghan beat him to it, by the looks on their faces as they sulked away after apparently getting chewed out by their son. He knew from Soonyoung slinking around in the hospital, eavesdropping on conversations that Jeonghan was okay physically. Just his asshat parents holding him there to get some more PR. Idiots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Objectively Jihoon understood where his leader was coming from. But it was stupid as fuck regardless. Yeah he lost his love but they also lost their friend. Jihoon has never been one to express himself, couldn’t really. So he could never tell Jeonghan he appreciated him. It really fucking hurt when Seungcheol came back after that day and locked himself in his room, the sobs echoing off the walls. There was also another type of hurt, and it was different than just seeing his leader break down. He never got to say goodbye. Jeonghan who let this team into his heart so readily. He missed the quiet presence the boy brought into the base. Missed him sitting in the chair to his right with his knees pulled up, watching Jihoon work, sometimes hearing him laugh under his breath when Jihoon came up with a particularly creative string of expletives. Jihoon knew the others felt it too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew whenever any of the boys came to Seokmin with even the smallest of injuries and Seok would look to his left, waiting for instruction from their new saviour. He could see his face drop just for a second before he jumped into his old role as resident medic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jihoon could see it when Minghao and Mingyu fought, when they both would turn to look where Jeonghan used to stand, wanting his take on their newest argument, the winner gloating to the other about who Jeonghan sided with that day(nevermind the fact that it was usually Minghao’s). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jihoon could see it even in Hansol, who with Joshua healing still missed a hyung who always saw him as a boy before he saw the raging anger like so many others did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jihoon also knew that Jeonghan missed them all too. Soonyoung had heard that Jeonghan called out names in his sleep. Shua, Cheol, Seok, even his own. So Jihoon was mad at Seungcheol for taking this person from them all. Sue him for taking this one act of defiance on watching over their lost friend through security cameras and eavesdropped conversations. He knows he acts like he doesn’t give a fuck. He doesn't know how to show he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>give fucks. But Jeonghan was, is, his friend. He isn’t going to be leaving him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His stomach clenched as he flipped through various street cameras like channels on a TV, watching Jeonghan walk solemnly on a mission to a place Jihoon knew would be deserted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing there for you fucker we’ve left. I’m.. I’m sorry we left.” Jihoon whispered to the boy on the screen. Jihoon doesn’t know how long he stared at the screen, waiting for the boy to walk across the security camera again, ending his search. What luck he had that the minute he spun around in his chair the moment he was waiting for passed by behind his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you get my message?” Cheol’s voice was beginning to get some warmth back in it and Jihoon could finally see life behind his eyes again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving Jeonghan had hardened him in a way even Cheol himself couldn’t predict. That day he picked himself up off the floor after leaving Han in a trafficking ring, Cheol left his room a blank shell of what he was before. The day he returned from Han getting saved by the police was even worse. But slowly, as the weeks went on that hard exterior began to thin, no longer needing to protect its occupant from the stabbing pain of abandoning someone for the first time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah what the fuck do you think? I’ve been twiddling my thumbs and not fucking working?” Jihoon spun back around, closing Jeonghan’s screen, and with it, Jihoon’s silent protection of Jeonghan was complete.  </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s got you stressing so bad?” Joshua’s question carried across the room. It took as much effort out of him to talk at an acceptable hearing level as it would have to yell before he was tortured. He was home now, but far from healed. He stared at Cheol as he racked his hands through his hair with enough ferocity to rip strands out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Min’s sending Kim to Seoul Private” Seungcheol huffed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever since the fateful day where Seungcheol got his name cleared, and the Mins took care of Joshua, there had been a weird relationship formed between this gang and the monster one of Daegu. The Mins were still respected and feared, but a communication channel of sorts opened up between the leaders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua felt his eyebrows climb his forehead. The hospital and the subsequent blocks around it had been expressly forbidden territory since Jeonghan was sent away. Cheol didn’t want to risk his world seeing the gang. Shua knew the boys had visited though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he got back, even in his near catatonic state he could hear their whispered exchanges. He knew Jihoon watched over him through his cameras when he was still a patient and Soonyoung would don a hat and pretend he was visiting others so he could listen in on the doctors and nurses conversations. Shua knew that Minghao would force Mingyu to go with him to the grocery store a block away from Jeonghan’s new place ever since Chan caught a glimpse of the address on Jihoon’s computer the week he bought it. He knew. And he knew Cheol couldn’t handle knowing the boys knew all of this. The day Cheol chewed out Seokmin for mentioning Han’s name an unwritten agreement passed through the crew. They all trusted Cheol. Trusted him with their lives and would never ignore his judgement. But not in this case. The leader couldn’t see past his own grief to see any other side but pain. So Shua kept the quiet whispers to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shua clasped his hand on his friend’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. Let’s go shoot something,” Shua guided them through the door, away from the pain and stress the call brought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin halted in his tracks when he heard raised voices coming from the comm room. The arguing wasn’t a surprise, nor were the owners of the voices. Hansol and Jihoon had been known to get into a row over something as small as too much sugar in a coffee. No, it was the word Solo flying out of each of their mouths that startled him. Months ago, when a few of the team had gathered, they had begun talking about Hannie. That day, Shua stormed into the room promptly silencing the room and leaving everyone's stomach dropping to the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He will fucking hear you. Why are you even talking about this?” Shua threw his hands in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We miss him,” Chan’s sweet voice rang out. Even if Shua wasn’t on their side, he wouldn’t get the baby in trouble. Their eyes met, and the tension flowed until it could be snapped with the smallest of tugs. Time seemed to drag until a collective sigh rang out and Shua relaxed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From there, the codename Solo was created. Something about the name Han and an english movie character a few of them vaguely remember from childhood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The codename attacked Seok as he stepped into the comm room. The new place was infinitely nicer than the old. Carpets were in places unlikely to get bloody, and the walls were even covered in a beige wallpaper. Homey. Seok realized quickly that Sol and Ji weren’t actually fighting with each other, but having a heated conversation about the subject in question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why doesn’t he have friends? He should have friends!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t fucking know why! Do I look like a god-damn Solo mind reader? I’m just telling you what Kihyun told me! No one really talks to him except Kim!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he’s done his residency! He should be celebrating!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sol! It’s pretty fucking hard to celebrate when you’re by your fucking self don’t you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clearly, they didn’t see or hear Seok enter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look all I’m saying is maybe we can send him something! A congrats! A ‘you’re not a fucking gangster and became what you’re supposed to be!’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have an even greater death wish than I thought? Are you fucking stupid? Is that what you a-” Jihoon cut off his last word, finally noticing the new guest in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh hi.. You know it doesn’t much matter if you use codenames if your conversation is so clearly about the one doctor we all care about,” Seok supplied helpfully. Both faces stared slack jawed at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also what do you mean Solo has no friends?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This got Hansol going again, “that’s what I’ve been saying! But Kihyun said nothing’s changed. He is ignored mostly because he’s pretty, or he’s ignored because of what happened to him, or he’s ignored because he doesn’t give much effort to other people! Apparently when he said he only had one friend he meant it.” This earned a healthy punch in the gut by Jihoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin watched Hansol pace around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it's entirely pathetic of Solo to be like this and it’s entirely plausible for us to do something. Maybe send him instructions to build a rocket launcher?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin rolled his eyes. This was going nowhere and hearing them talk about his old friend hurt more than he cared to admit. Jihoon still saw Han on the cameras, periodically checking in on him from time to time. Mingyu and Minghao quite literally did see him, the pair going to buy groceries at seemingly random intervals but always during the times Han would be going. The youngest in the crew held onto some belief that they would see him again, regardless of all the pain and suffering they had gone through throughout their lives, they believed Han wouldn’t abandon them. But Seok couldn’t believe it. He didn’t get to see him. It took longer and longer to conjure his face, and he thinks sometimes he gets the tilt of his smile wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silently, Seok slipped from the room unnoticed by the other occupants. He walked down to the med bay that had never been graced by his teacher, and went back to work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo jumped what felt like 3 feet from his seat as Soonyoung dumped a book in front of him. He had been dozing at the table alone, not having a lot to do while everyone else was out doing their own business.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Read this. Pass this around through the guys, don’t let Cheol read it.” With the message relayed Soonyoung silently dipped away, not waiting for a response from Wonwoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes. A book? Really? After a glance at the back he scoffed. In what world would they all be interested in reading a gangster novel, written by some pencil pusher who only knew what a gang was like from movies. Not wanting to risk Soonyoung’s message as a joke though he went and put the book in a drawer with his shirts. Even if he wouldn’t pass it around, why chance Cheol reading it if he really shouldn’t? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Wonwoo a long time to get over his anger. Anger at Cheol for being stupid. Anger at Han for being able to leave- both the actual ability in life, and his willing abandonment to the rest of the crew. When Cheol came back without the doctor it took some getting used to. He didn’t realize how attached he got to their softest member until he was missing from their lives, never to be seen again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hardly talked about him, but whenever news of him travelled through the group, like when he passed his residency, he would go down and punch his bag a bit harder for a bit longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took one month for Wonwoo’s curiosity to get the better of him. He would forget the book for days on end, and on others, like right now, he would lay awake with the curiosity and anticipation eating him alive. It took him the night to finish the novel. He fought his drooping eyes, needing to know the end, needing to search for any mistakes or changes in the story until the last page. He was looking for an excuse, any excuse to tell himself that this isn’t what he thinks it is. But by the end all he got was confirmation. This was a story about him and his brothers, and the most important guest they ever had. Reading from the doctor’s perspective made Wonwoo question why the guy didn’t run out of here faster. The pain and fear were palpable. But so was the love. The love he felt for Cheol, and the rest of them. His heart stretched deep, deeper than any Wonwoo had seen besides his friends. It grew too fast to fit every one of them in. And then on one seemingly random night they were plucked from his ocean of a heart. Han was left with all this empty space. His heart had stretched and changed so every lost boy could fit, and when they were ripped out his heart had no way of going back to how it was before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in a long time, Wonwoo was mad at Cheol. How dare he take their friend? Drug him and send him away? Yeah it’s not like they had lived innocent lives, but Han tried to choose them. He just never had much of a say. Scribbling a note with the same message Soonyoung had told him a month ago, Wonwoo stuffed the book into Minghao’s dresser for him to find. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The clock ticking was the soundtrack of the room, accompanied only by Jeonghan’s consistent sighs. His shift had been dragging on, and his break wasn’t faring much better. The ER was uncharacteristically slow and he found himself wishing it weren’t, superstitions be damned. He went through his messages, making sure he responded to them all and not just in his head like he always seems to do. Jeonghan halted when he got to one name in particular. Kibum. His book editor. The man Jeonghan probably would have loved in a different life. But all he heard when he talked was Cheol, and whenever he would walk into meetings, all he could see was Cheol’s self assurance. Not to mention Jeonghan had given up on people. He had tried, tried so hard when he got out to make friends and reinvent himself. He tried to make a home for himself. But no one could seem to understand him on any level deeper than a superficial one. Maybe it took life threatening situations for Han to be able to open up to people. Or maybe there was an underlying fear of abandonment that he got from Cheol, and Hyuk, and his parents leaving. His parents. After he discharged himself and yelled at his dad all those years ago his parents have never spoken to him again. They ignore Jeonghan’s existence, treating him like the great disappointment to the family that he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bought a plant once. To try and make his house feel like a home, but it never worked and the plant died. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan had a sneaking suspicion the friends he made during the most real thing to happen in his life never left him. He had to believe for his own sake that they were still there, watching over him. His life had mostly returned to a monotonous normal that it was before the whole ordeal, with some key changes. Every week he goes and buys muffins from the same grocery store at the same time. And maybe it was stupid, but he always parked his car down that dark street where it all started. Five years of these little habits. He could hardly even eat muffins, but he wouldn’t give up. He couldn’t especially when he’s certain he saw Mingyu’s bulky frame turn away from him at the grocery store, and the stranger who occasionally walked in front of him to his car felt just like Soonyoung walking him to safety. As for the others, he doesn’t know. The bleakness spread through his middle, always shying away from thoughts of abandonment. Most importantly, he shied away from asking why. Why didn’t they just turn around and greet him when they so clearly see him? He doesn’t know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a final sigh, Jeonghan pushed himself up off the break room couch. Back to the ER. Back to the mind numbingly slow room. Just one actual emergency, Jeonghan thought, just one little car crash to spark some excitement tonight. He hardly got through the thought when the phone rang, indicating an inbound ambulance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the incoming sirens, Jeonghan’s fingers tingled and breath quickened. A dancer was attacked at a nightclub. Why they didn’t go to the hospital that was closer to the scene, he doesn’t know. He closed his eyes for one brief moment. Everything disappeared, his ears rang at the new silence, his breathing slowed. When he opened his eyes, the world came back but Jeonghan wasn’t Jeonghan anymore, he was Dr. Yoon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gown up, we will take her to trauma room 2,” he barked orders to his charges around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feet hitting the pavement he met the ambulance, throwing the door open. When he did, his persona froze, cracked and almost shattered. He never really thought he would be face-to-face with this person again. He felt his jaw go slack and the eyes of Seungkwan stared into his, no sign of surprise evident. The encounter that felt like hours, but really only seconds was broken as soon as Seungkwan looked down. With a mental shake, Han put himself back together, patched himself and stared down at the patient. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“26 year old female. Head lac, broken ribs, bruising all over. Suspected femoral break. Unconscious for 30 minutes. Irregular heart rhythm.” Jeonghan took note of the EMT’s report, running the gurney into the hospital. In the room, he assessed her himself taking note of all the injuries and ordering tests. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Prep OR 2, she needs to have surgery.” Han ordered no one in particular but knew one of his underlings would be on it. He turned to Seungkwan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, are you her emergency contact? We need consent for her surgery.” Somewhere deep in his middle, where he shoves his heart during emergencies, he could feel his heart breaking talking to Seungkwan as if he were a stranger. Maybe by this point he was. Five years is a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. And yes do anything you can to save her.” Seungkwan’s eyes bore deep into Han’s, conveying a message but not one that Han could read. At that moment everyone seemed to have left, running to do various tasks for surgery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> Han. She’s my employee. She’s my friend. She has to make it out. Do whatever you can just make sure she lives.” Seungkwan grabbed Han’s hand, keeping them close so no one overheard the exchange. Han felt his head nodding on it’s own accord, too stunned that Seungkwan acknowledged him. Shaking it off, Dr. Yoon came back, leaving the startled Han behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Scrubbing up was the most calming part of Han’s life these days. The methodical scrubbing, going over step by step the procedure he was about to perform was one of the few moments the 11 boys left his thoughts and he could be alone. Stepping into the OR after the cleansing let him be fully, freely himself. Any trauma in his life was temporarily washed away so he could take care of the person on his table. Dr. Yoon stepped into the room, looked his staff in the eye, and cut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The surgery was long. Long, painful, with more complications than expected. She coded twice, each time taking a little bit longer to come back. But she pulled through. Jeonghan’s hand slipped up to his scrub cap, letting his hair fall freely around his face. Scrubbing his face with his hands, he walked to the waiting room ready to report to his old friend what happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seungkwan-ssi?” He called, though he knew exactly who he was looking for. What boundaries were acceptable to cross? He didn’t know so pretending he was a stranger was for the best. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungkwan was already up and walking over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she okay?” His eyes pleaded as the question left his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he smiled, “she’s okay. She has a long recovery ahead of her and will need to stay for about a week of observation.” Jeonghan didn’t ask about authorities being contacted. He knew the bastard that did this would soon be dealt with if he hadn’t been already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan glanced around, the slow night leaving the waiting room empty save the two boys. Now that the surgeon wasn’t needed, Han was back and desperate. Desperate to know any details, desperate for even a bit of solace to his deformed heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seungkwan,” he started. “Seungkwan why did you come here? There’s another hospital closer to your club.” He started out small, the most innocent of questions. Jeonghan couldn’t go into anything high stakes yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Seungkwan’s expression closed off. “This hospital is highly acclaimed. I wanted her treated by the best.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan balked. He didn’t understand the hostile tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see. But she could have died on route.” He pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungkwan changed his stance, the reality of his choices deflating him a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was wanting to come here anyways. I needed to tell you, I just don’t don’t know how to say it.” Seungkwan took a breath while Han held his. He felt himself begin to spiral. Was Cheol dead? Did he really never get a chance to see him again? His heart rate climbed, trying to voice his questions but they got stuck in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Han calm down,” Seungkwan pulled his hands from his shirt. He didn’t even realize he had grabbed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here to tell you shit’s ramping up. I’m not supposed to be here but I don’t like you not knowing. You aren’t in danger, I doubt the hospital will end up getting affected. But just watch your back. Be careful who you treat. Change up your routine. And stop fucking parking down that god damn street!” Seungkwan barked the last part out but Jeonghan didn’t care. They knew. He thought they were watching him but now he knew for sure. Seungkwan swam in front of him. For the first time in a long time the feeling of abandonment was diminished, even temporarily. Before he could get any coherent thought out of his head, Seungkwan was gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan had a long long day. He rubbed his hand along his neck, kneading at the knots that seemed to be permanently there. Only three more blissful hours of his shift and he was free to go home and try and make sense of his bizarre encounter with Seungkwan. After the boy slipped away he tried to search for him but it was a pointless effort. One thing that the crew knew how to do was disappear, Jeonghan thought bitterly. It had been a long time since he had been bitter about anything to do with Cheol but apparently today he wasn’t feeling forgiving. That’s something they never tell you. You have to choose to forgive someone everyday, it's not a one and done sort of deal. Each day it gets a little bit easier, but every once in a while it was harder than usual. Today was one of those days. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr. Yoon, there’s someone here to see you.” A nurse popped his head into the office Han had slipped into. He sighed, truly it's when he wants to be left alone that he’s needed. Dusting his hands as he got up, Jeonghan followed him out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who am I meeting?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well sir, it’s kind of a unique situation. There’s a consulting doctor here and he wants to meet you before the end of your shift.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What? But it’s 1 am. Shouldn’t he be formally introduced in the morning? Jeonghan was dumbfounded. Why would the doctor want to meet him in the middle of the night, and not the person he’s working with? Why was he even here at this time?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse shrugged. Apparently Jeonghan had been voicing his questions out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stepping into the open office, Jeonghan stutters to a stop as he makes eye contact with the man in front of him. He never expected to see him for the rest of his life. They weren’t supposed to meet until their next one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Hannie,” the voice sang out as the man spun his chair in circles. “Did you miss me?” Junhui flashed a signature blinding smile at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on now! You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Junhui winked at him. Jeonghan approached him slowly, afraid that at any sudden movement he would disappear. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Jeonghan felt warm moisture on his face but didn’t have it in him to reach up and swipe the tears away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it really you?” He whispered. Any louder and he might wake himself from the dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! I’m here looking into a very special case” he winked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Determined that this was actually a dream, and Jeonghan had actually just hit his head on something he decided to take advantage of this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan sank into the chair across from Junhui and talked. Talked to a friend for probably the first time in five years. Junhui had been keeping tabs on him, probably on all of them but he wouldn’t share what he knew. He read his book. He knew when he left residency to join his fellowship. He knew it all, except how lonely Han was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah woah woah!” Junhui stood, plucking tissues out to stuff into Jeonghan’s hands. Jeonghan couldn’t remember the last time anyone really cared about him, or he let care about him. He didn’t realize how alone he was until he suddenly wasn’t. It all was too much. This day was too much for him. No matter how much he blotted, the tears kept streaming from his eyes. His face hot with embarrassment and pain. Junhui’s eyes were filled only with concern but Jeonghan couldn’t help feeling weak. Even now, five years later he was still the weakest one. He felt himself get pulled into long, secure arms and smelled the soap Junhui uses to wash his clothes. With his face pressed into his friend’s chest, any barriers he had up were gone. He clung to him, afraid he would slip away and leave him to drown. But Junhui didn’t. He just held on just as tight. And if Jeonghan felt tears hit his head where Junhui’s was pressed against his, he didn’t mention it. Maybe all this time Jun had been just as lonely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took 10 minutes for the two to stop crying. Another 10 catch their breath and resume conversation, and finally another hour of talking before Junhui was called away for his consultation, whatever that was actually Jeonghan didn’t know and didn’t ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan glanced at the clock, realizing it was time to finally go home. He was at his end. The physical drain of the dancer’s surgery, the confusion and frustration from Seungkwan, and the absolute emotional demise he faced with Junhui left Jeonghan feeling like a shell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shivered and cursed himself as he left the hospital’s warmth. He knew he was off at an ungodly time, why didn’t he wear a warmer jacket? He pulled his sweater around himself tighter as he felt the soft coldness of snowflakes floating down on him. Glancing up, Jeonghan missed a step. The shadowy figure who walked him to his car almost weekly had long since stopped scaring him. Today was different though. There was something about his build. Normally, the figure was slight, like himself and his height if not a bit shorter. But this one was bigger, wider, more muscular than either himself or his regular babysitter. This new one was also taller than him. This one also turned down an alley, letting Jeonghan pass him; something his regular shadow would never do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan reached up and tied his hair into a knot at the back of his head. He felt in his bag for the cool smoothness of the knife he kept hidden. Forcing himself to relax he kept walking. Until he snapped. His day had begun badly, got significantly worse, and the high from seeing Junhui left him with nothing to give for this situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey you! I don’t know who you are but what the hell are you doing? Why are you following me?” Jeonghan spun around as quick as he could, trying to get a look at his potential assailant. The houses around him had lights on, he could scream and would get help. No need to be afraid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shadow stopped in his tracks. Jeonghan stared into the faceless figure assuming he was making eye contact. The standoff lasted longer than Jeonghan wanted. Just as his knees began to shake, fear finally manifesting itself in his entire body, his follower darted down an alley. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no you don’t” he pushed off to follow. There was something about the man’s silhouette that tickled the back of Jeonghan’s mind. He knew this person. His feet smacked the concrete, he pushed his tired legs on, needing to get to the figure before he escaped. He was catching up surprisingly fast, just one more step.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s hand grasped the man's shoulder, stopping the chase. His breath caught in his chest, not from the run but from the face he was staring into. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cheol.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol was having a very, very bad day. Getting shot always puts a damper on things, even when it was just a graze like today. The tussle with the asshole who attacked Seungkwan’s dancer was just the first of many inconvenient things for him today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Call a team meeting,” he sighed to Shua. Just because he was pissed didn’t mean he had to take it out on his best friend. Something wasn’t right with his crew. Lately, Cheol felt like an outsider in his own gang. They were still working as a cohesive unit, but sometimes he would walk into a room and the conversations would stutter to a halt, only resuming when he left. And his guys wouldn’t shut up about some stupid movie character. It was time for him to get to the bottom of this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking around, all his men were in the room. Even Channie, who wasn’t really a baby anymore but would always stay that to his brothers around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You all have something you need to tell me and it had better happen right now.” He looked each in the eye, he saw the recognition and fear pass through them before they all put up their walls and stared stonily back. Silence deafened his ears, blood rushing the only sound he could hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck. Fine. Come on. It’s time he fucking knew, it’s been five years.” Jihoon spat into the room. At his words Cheol’s stomach plummeted. A lot happened five years ago. More than he could count on one hand. But five years ago the single handedly worst event happened to him. They couldn’t be talking about him right? There’s no way. But as he scanned the room, it was evident that it was entirely possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t get his voice louder than a whisper, but it carried to each member's ears nonetheless. “Talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five years ago when you dumped Jeonghan-” the name sent shockwaves down Cheol’s body. The name only reached his ears when he whispered it to himself late at night. “-I kept watch. I watched him on the security cameras until he was discharged. I still sometimes do.” Jihoon stared defiantly into his leader’s eyes. Challenging him to punish him for looking after a friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mingyu and I go to the grocery store to see him. We have for years.” Minghao piped up, clamping onto Mingyu’s hand for support. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I watch him in the hospital. I have since he was found by the police. Plus I usually walk him to his car.” Cheol’s head snapped over to look at Soonyoung. The others were harmless, but this? There’s no way. This was risky. How did Jeonghan not notice? He would have come to Cheol by now if he knew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I pay Kihyun to keep tabs on him and feed us the information.” Hansol’s contribution wasn’t the worst he heard but still. One by one the members shared how they’ve been trying to protect their friend. Only Seokmin and Joshua didn’t have anything to add, but they knew about this so were just as guilty. With each tale brought up by the members nothing made him want to wank his hair out more until he got to Seungkwan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I spoke to him today.” Cheol’s breath got stuck. He couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t stand. This information, disobedience, and loss hit him too hard too fast. He smacked into the chair hard, but couldn’t feel anything. Every pair of eyes were on Seungkwan, imploring him to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dancer was brought into his hospital and he treated her. I told him to be safe and to stop parking his car down that street,” he smirked at Soonyoung as he said it. His eyes looked up to meet Cheol’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He looked good,” he spoke softly, “he’s a great surgeon. He looks healthy.” Cheol closed his eyes, willing the burning he felt at the back of them to go away. This is what he wanted. For him to have a successful, normal life. But it still hurt. Burned. Burned more than he could imagine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quietly, in their softest voices, each member told Cheol what they knew about Jeonghan. His accomplishments, his habits- Shua outright laughed at Minghao’s confused statement about Han’s unconditional love for muffins- his book. Also his apparent loneliness, his challenges. They shared everything they knew. But it wasn’t enough. Now that the dam that held back everything Jeonghan had burst, Cheol needed to see it for himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soonyoung.” His eyes opened to meet the slight boy’s eyes. “When do you go?” </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cheol.” Jeonghan’s whispered voice almost sent him to his knees. He heard this voice every night in his dreams. He never allowed himself to imagine hearing it in the waking day. Yet here he was. Face to face with the most beautiful person he had ever seen, almost exactly in the place that brought them together five years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His-</span>
  <em>
    <span>his?</span>
  </em>
  <span>- Hannie kept whispering his name over and over. His hands fluttered around his face, wanting to touch it but scared to actually do so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hannie,” Cheol breathed the name out. Neither of them realized the steady stream of hot tears tracking down their faces. They both only shared the same thought: </span>
  <em>
    <span>home.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>After minutes, or seconds, or hours, Cheol regained control over his body and pulled the other man as close to him as possible. They fit together seamlessly, never meant to be apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s hands found his face, Jeonghan had gotten braver, more confident these years. Cheol was just making a mental note of that as Jeonghan pushed his lips onto Cheol’s promptly putting an end to any monologue occurring up in his head. The meeting had brought forth the memories he repressed, and the kiss sealed their fate. The strength or stupidity Cheol had all those years ago to leave would never be found again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Never leave me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There we go! Original authors, if you're reading this I hope you were able to enjoy it even a little bit and don't mind me writing this.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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